New Beginnings

Every year on January 1st everyone always makes a New Years Resolution. I always do it. It is always the same thing. I am going to get into shape. This year I felt different. Yes, I do want to lose weight. But that was definitely not the first thing that crossed my mind this past January. The first thing that was on my mind was deeper than weight loss. It was some thing that I needed to do and had been needing to do for a year. I needed to take that first step. I had finally admitted to myself that I could not do it alone. Although it wasn't really showing on the outside,  but my world had started to crumble. The everyday simple tasks have become hard if not impossible to complete. I had begun to get stuck in my own world for most of the day. So this is where my new "journey" begins. I finally called and set up some grief therapy. I have found a wonderful woman, who is definitely a fit for me. Last Friday was my first appointment. I have another appointment set up for this Friday. I can truthfully say that I am so excited to start this new path and am so excited to see what this Friday has to offer. So going back to New Years resolutions...... I am not setting one this year. Instead I am making a promise to myself. A promise to be true to myself and all those I love. A promise to better myself. A promise to get my life healthy in mind, body, and spirit. I have realized that until I do the hard things that I may not want to do, there will be no positive change. Ripping off that band aid is so painful..... but let me tell you that it has never hurt so good. Reliving this past year is gonna be hard, but the end result has me excited and very anxious. I know the pain will never fully be gone. There will always be a part of my heart that is missing. I will NEVER be that same person. I am so excited to get to know the NEW me and to see where this new path will take me. Until then I am along for this ride. I know it is gonna be bumpy and I may want to get off and never look back. But I am staying on......not only for my sons,  or for my husband and family.... but for me. So that I can live the life I was meant to live. Everything is going to be alright. Maybe not today, but eventually. <3